Sunday, March 22, 2009

apekah mase depan?

ye..ai nak dia senyum camni la gitu

minggu lepas
adelah plg kelamkabut dlm dunie

1) mul meet me - zaza, ko xdpt transfer
2) encik abu meet me - saya tgh usahakan bakal husband awak pindah sini
3) encik MD meet me - so encik abu, mcm mana? dh contact HR SKO? mintak bakal husband dia pindah bintulu

kekdahnye..selama ni ai perasan dpt pindah miri ok..
plannye if xdpt pindah miri, kunun2 nk resign..
sanggup byr skoler petronas tu..
tensen punye pasal

xnampak plak option yg satu ni
iaitu - what if lan2 yg pindah mintulu?
gilo..xpenah ade dlm list..

tgk mcm senang je..
org kata, 'so what?? pindah je la. org lain berlambak nk duduk dgn husabnd..jgn sia-siakan peluangla'

bagi ai
ohhh adekah tepakse duduk mintulu foreverr??
jadik engineer poreber????
aii adelah sgt buduhhhh
xmungkin jadik engineer
ai xsuke duduk sini gak..

ai rasa..lan2 mesti xmo..
sbb dia dh ade permanent position kt miyi
miyi pun lg best..

sgt down...
lan2 tetibe cam berubah bila dpt tau psl offer ABF
senyap je
ai rase sgt takut
and sedih
sbb xpenah lan2 mcm ni

selama seminggu
ai adelah xde mood
risau kt lan2..
ai stop talking
ai stop smiling
rase cam, mesti ramai org nyampah tgk muke xdek mood nih
tapi
ai isau kt lan2..
rase sgt serabut
xdpt nk fokus keje
ai rase nk berenti sgt

until
ai jumpe kak asilah
talking with her
i felt my self is so different from what i always think of
she told me stories from her past
which is a lot far tougher than mine
and she told me what she thinks of me
i could say, that 2 hours talking with her
are amongst the precious times in my life

ok life is not straightforward at all
so don't make it complicated
whenever there's opportunity
grab it!! it may never came twice..

my case is simple
MY HUSBAND IS OFFERED TO BE HERE WITH ME
bile pk blk, sgt bodohla kalau tolakn
so finally i've made up my mind..
what i want is.. to be by his side
i want him here..
that's the best option we have now..

-SATURDAY-
after few gloomy days
today i woke up feeling good
but i missed him
i wish i could be at miri now
i missed the old him
i just knew that he wasnt smiling anymore now

mlm td call lan2
dia senyap je bila ai kata ai xnak resign..and kalau boleh nak dia pindah sini..

so today ade jungle trekking at similajau
sambil drive, ai wat keputusan nk gi miri today..
xkire la sehelai sepinggang ke
baru kuar dr laut similajau ke
i just want to see him
i want to comfort him

but nad kata
balikla dulu..mandi..

around 12 noon, setelah berjaya keluar dr hutan
trus vroom2 blk umah
mandi
campak2 baju kasut dlm beg
bai2 mintulu
ai drive sorg2 gi miyi okehhhh
at 1 noon
lepas jungle treking 5 jam
ai drive gi miyii
gilooo

sampai miri pukul 4
lapa + letih

i sms-ed lan2
'za kat miyi..'

he called me
and kata
'kenapa degil sgt ni'

ok..first time setelah 3 tahun
i see the different him
ai trus senyap
sedih
sbb
walaupun bg org lain 'alaa stakat ckp camtu pon sedih'
tp
lan2 xpenah ckp mcm tu
lan2 xpenah marah SEKALI PUN

ai senyap
dia trus dtg jumpa ai
and pujuk ^_^
snanye dia risau laa
hihi gilo ko pas jungle trekking trus drive gi miyi
kalo dia wat camtu, ai mmg mengamok laa
hihi

ok i missed him
rase lega sbb wat keputusan dtg miri

ptg tu, dia cerita
actually dia sgt tertekan
dh brape hari xdpt tdo elok2..
dia rasa memberontak sbb tetibe ade option baru ni..
mcm dia kene pakse pindah mintulu lak..
ai rase mungkin dia teringat
mase kecik dia penah kene pindah ipoh, dari seremban
at it's a traumatic experience to him
dia jd pendiam
xde kawan..
so skang maybe dia rasa perasaan sama..

lagipun kan
dulu ai dh penah ckp..no matter what, ai nk resign
tetibe now ai berubah fikiran

ai mmg rase bersalah sgt
ai tried to talk few things to him
my reason, my justifications..
dia diam and hmm2 je..

ai taktau nk buat apa now
tp ai just wish
he'll come
biarle ape nk jd in future

yg penting
lan2 and ai, in one roof

just remember..
count the blessings..